Letting go

We can gain if we can let go. Theres no love without tears, theres no happiness without sacrifice, and theres no forever without goodbyes…”

I think it’s time to let go.

Already Gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even without fists held high, yeah
Never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die

I didn’t want us to burn out
I didn’t come here to hurt you now
I can’t stop

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And i want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But i want you to move on
So i’m already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But i know that you’ll find another
That doesn’t always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn’t keep this love alive

You know that i love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And i want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But i want you to move on
So i’m already gone

I’m already gone
I’m already gone
You can’t make it feel right
When you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone
Already gone
There’s no moving on
So i’m already gone

Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, oooo, oh
Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know
That it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road
Someone’s gotta go
And i want you to know
You couldn’t have loved me better
But i want you to move on
So i’m already gone

I’m already gone
I’m already gone
You can’t make it feel right
When you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone
Already gone
There’s no moving on
So i’m already gone…

Say Goodbye

Baby come here and sit down, let’s talk
I got a lot to say so I guess I’ll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know, this thing ain’t been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it’ll only take a minute
You’ll understand when I finish, yeah
And I don’t wanna see you cry
But I don’t wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

[HOOK]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don’t know? What’s on,
The other side of the door
When you’re walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I’ma do the best I can to get you to understand

[CHORUS]
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
‘Cause if I don’t you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don’t feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it’s not you, it’s me
I gotta gotta figure out what I need
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it’s hard but I gotta do it,
And it’s killing me
Cause there’s never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

But now your heart is breaking
And a thousand times I
Found myself asking, “Why? Why?”
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Though I would see the day we grew apart
And I wanna know

[HOOK]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don’t know? What’s on,
The other side of the door
When you’re walking out, talk about it
Girl I hope you understand
What I’m tryna say.
We just can’t go on
Pretending that we get along
Girl how you not gonna see it?

[CHORUS]
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
‘Cause if I don’t you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don’t feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it’s not you it’s me.
I gotta gotta figure out what I need
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it’s hard but I gotta do it,
And it’s killing me
Cause there’s never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can’t do it
I, I just can’t do it
Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can’t do it
And sometimes it makes me wanna cry
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh [4x]
Do you hear me crying?

[CHORUS]
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
‘Cause if I don’t you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don’t feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it’s not you it’s me.
I gotta gotta figure out what I need
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it’s hard but I gotta do it,
And it’s killing me
Cause there’s never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

[CHORUS]
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
‘Cause if I don’t you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don’t feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it’s not you it’s me.
I gotta gotta figure out what I need
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it’s hard but I gotta do it,
And it’s killing me
Cause there’s never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Is a clear line necessary?

It struck me when you said one will decide where to eat, and the other decide what to eat. As a couple is that really necessary? There isn’t a need for such a clear line between the two of us.

Sometimes even though we have no firm plan during the weekends, it is the thought process together as a couple that counts. For example, last Sunday. though after car viewing we had no idea where to go, eventually we just had a simple dinner, went for my tuition, and watched DVD together. I don’t know how I should say this, but as a couple, we should decide things together, not split the work. Just like the show yesterday, being a couple means doing things as “we”, not “I” or “you”.

That was just a side thought on what I felt about ur suggestion just now. I am starting to doubt that perhaps I have taken things for granted. Though things have changed, I refuse to accept them. In the past, I meant so much to you. Perhaps its the toll on you emotionally and financially I have caused to you, I feel that I don’t matter that much anymore.

At the beginning of the relationship, I was totally inexpressible. I would say anything to every question you posed to me and you would never have known of the sadness in my heart, just like how my heart broke each time I thought of how engaged you are at work.

Slowly, things started to change, I started opening up to you. About my past, my family, my likes and dislikes. Of course, i started to find out more about you too as time progresses.

We started to engage in activities both of us like and eat the things both of us like. Even though one of us may not like it, it was the decision made after discussion from both of us.

What’s hurting now is not about eating the things u suggest, or not about being able to eat the food I want. What’s hurting is the fact that we no longer make decisions as one. You no longer seek for my opinion and similarly, you are no longer willing to make a decision together with me.

Sometimes, i really regret opening myself up to you. Perhaps, its a wrong decision. I regret not cherishing the times we had in the past where both of us were happy. I am withdrawing myself back to my own little world and sometimes there are so much things I wanna say, but I can’t. Perhaps that is the reason why my frustration ends up in tears. That has happened a couple of time recently.

For whatever reason it is, I do not think that it is right if one party have to please the other. This is not how a couple should be. A couple should just be themselves, and enjoy themselves despite the differences in them. I see no point in changing anything for anyone.

For whatever it is, i do not need you to please me and i do not want to cause any moral downside to you anymore.

Always the last on the list, taking the blame for everything.

Frustrated and upset

The pain in my butt, the pain in my head, the pain in my gums, the rashes all over.

I am getting really frustrated and upset with the way this year is going, especially these few days.

Urgh

Time

“Staying with someone you really love even if you know you two can’t be together for a lot of reasons is like standing under the rain… It feels good but you know it will soon make you sick.”

I do not know whether this is mere coincidence or is this a message god is trying to bring my attention to. Yes, living together allows us to have all the time in the world except while we are working.

Spending too much together on the other hand, makes us sick of the other person soon enough. You have less time to yourself, and you don’t have as much freedom as before. Especially if you are staying with the family of your other half, its worse as you are restricted to being yourself and leading the lifestyle you are used to.

Had considered quite a couple of times to move out due to various reasons. Always ain’t able to do it in the end partially cuz I can’t bear to slash off all these time we are able to spend with each other.

I don’t know how true is the saying that when too much time is spent together, people don’t tend to cherish or treasure the other one as before. If this isn’t true, why are things different from the past? Why that sentence thrown at me this afternoon? Why the change these few months?

I need some enlightment. I have always been firm in my decisions, but I cam’t be firm on this one. For I know there’s no turning back.

First time in my life

Perhaps you are right, perhaps this is the reason why I am down for insignificant reasons. Yes, I am crazy, an insane woman.

Speeding

I always have a thing towards speeding. Whenever the vehicle accerlerates I will tighten my grip. I am just afraid of speeding, be it me being the passenger or for the driver.

I just find car accidents horrifying and gruesome. I do not wish for anyone I love to be involved in a car accident. That’s why I am so particular about my boyfriend speeding, because I do not want anything to happen to him, be it just a minor accident or a fatal one.

Last evening, he did not return my call or smses and I panicked. It was just a mere hour but I was really afraid. I do not know whether I am too imaginative or what, but in my mind, there were all wild thoughts.

 I do not want to see him hurt and injured, neither do I want to be left alone in this world. I may be over-reacting on the issue of speeding and etc.  but they do come from a good cause.

I hope my concern isn’t something which would irritate him.

Plan b

Its time to go for plan b.
Plan a doesn’t work at all.
Perhaps all I can do is surrender.
That would be better for both