Time

“Staying with someone you really love even if you know you two can’t be together for a lot of reasons is like standing under the rain… It feels good but you know it will soon make you sick.”

I do not know whether this is mere coincidence or is this a message god is trying to bring my attention to. Yes, living together allows us to have all the time in the world except while we are working.

Spending too much together on the other hand, makes us sick of the other person soon enough. You have less time to yourself, and you don’t have as much freedom as before. Especially if you are staying with the family of your other half, its worse as you are restricted to being yourself and leading the lifestyle you are used to.

Had considered quite a couple of times to move out due to various reasons. Always ain’t able to do it in the end partially cuz I can’t bear to slash off all these time we are able to spend with each other.

I don’t know how true is the saying that when too much time is spent together, people don’t tend to cherish or treasure the other one as before. If this isn’t true, why are things different from the past? Why that sentence thrown at me this afternoon? Why the change these few months?

I need some enlightment. I have always been firm in my decisions, but I cam’t be firm on this one. For I know there’s no turning back.

First time in my life

Perhaps you are right, perhaps this is the reason why I am down for insignificant reasons. Yes, I am crazy, an insane woman.

Speeding

I always have a thing towards speeding. Whenever the vehicle accerlerates I will tighten my grip. I am just afraid of speeding, be it me being the passenger or for the driver.

I just find car accidents horrifying and gruesome. I do not wish for anyone I love to be involved in a car accident. That’s why I am so particular about my boyfriend speeding, because I do not want anything to happen to him, be it just a minor accident or a fatal one.

Last evening, he did not return my call or smses and I panicked. It was just a mere hour but I was really afraid. I do not know whether I am too imaginative or what, but in my mind, there were all wild thoughts.

 I do not want to see him hurt and injured, neither do I want to be left alone in this world. I may be over-reacting on the issue of speeding and etc.  but they do come from a good cause.

I hope my concern isn’t something which would irritate him.

Plan b

Its time to go for plan b.
Plan a doesn’t work at all.
Perhaps all I can do is surrender.
That would be better for both

怎么辦

我不知該怎么做了.也許應該放棄了

Protected: Given Up

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Wierd Dreams

Beeh having absurd and wierd dreams every single day, and i wake uopfeeling so so so tired. Today was one of the wierdest dream.

I participated in this beauty pagent, and the organiser asked me whether I teach tuition, so I said yes and and she wanted me to call her for english tuition for 2 hours a week. Afterwhich, she asked me whether I do probate. and wanted me to call her.

The pagent started, catwalked and all of a sudden I am out in the sky in a basket with my boi and 2 umbrellas with ballons attached to it. As the basket was gg to collapse any time, my boy insisted that we open the umbrella and “parachute” to the ground. I was trembling with fright then so i let my boy do it first. Eventually, we both did it and landed safely somewhere near city hall…

Then, a dog which was also in the pagent came running towards us. Shortly after that, a group of people came with some food and sang christmas carols. They looked unhappy when we did not give them food. Then, another group came with Stingray, egg and rice. Likewise, they sang christmas carols and we exchanged lunch.

This is when I am woke up by my boi. hahha wierd wierd dreams.

Protected: Falling deeper

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Lost

I do know what has been wrong with us. I really do not know why he always seem so angry with what i say. I may not seem positive to him, but I have never came with bad intentions with regards to his affairs. I have always tried my best to make him happy.

Yes, I do not have a good temper either, I know that I may flare at you for some reasons which I do not dare to tell you. Often, that arises when my care for you is redundant, when you words are turned on deaf ears, when I feel that you are unhappy because of me, or when I no longer see the tenderness in ur eyes towards me. They used to be filled with love and warmth, what had happeend?

I do not wish to see you so angry all the time, especially if its because of me. I am sorry I am unable to express myself to show my intentions which are often misconceived. I do not know what I can do or what I should do?

I am sorry for who I am. Perhaps, you would be better off without me.

What I have given you these !3 months

Never doing right.
Caring too much.
Good intentions turned bad.
Caring unnecessarily.
Being too naggy.
Making a big fuss out of nothing.
Causing more good than bad.
Having a bad impact in your life.

Don’t even know what to do anymore, the ironic thing us both of us feel the same way. Then the big question us whether us there ant joy we find in this love of ours, or is. It just sorrow n self reproach we have?