Forgive but not forget

There was 1 day I contacted my dad, because I was high from alcohol and feeling low after a wedding I attended.
Everybody has a place they can call home, but I do not. The place I am staying at is my boyfriend’s place which I do not feel a part of. We are just like strangers. I don’t know, perhaps I just don’t have this outgoing personality which I used to have, to be able to talk to anyone freely.I’ve tried, but just like the past, nobody likes me.
At the wedding I attended, I was wondering many things which I know the answers are negative.
So, out of alcoholism and impulsiveness, I decided to call my dad for a drink. We talked quite a fair bit. Of the mistakes that has happened in the past. Although he apologized, I know I can never forget the past. I know this past would be stranded to me for life. After all the betrayals, I’m so afraid of trusting anyone who claims they love me.
After this mistake of calling him, it comes back to the past. Of him calling repeatedly to ask me for drinks.
I regret.

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