My Unspoken Expressions

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*IcE* — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 16:27:45 +0000

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Protected: Disappointed

*IcE* — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 09:16:12 +0000

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Protected: 你不知道的事

*IcE* — Sat, 21 May 2011 14:37:08 +0000

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*IcE* — Mon, 02 May 2011 07:07:45 +0000

I tried to talk but perhaps you don’t wish to talk to me anymore.
I’m sorry for how I am. Sometimes I pity you because u fell in love with the wrong person. I do not bring u happiness. I only know how to scold, Criticize, hit you. You do not deserve these, and I do not deserve to be loved by you.
I love you so much. So so so so much, that’s why I did the above. I think for u too much, care for u too much, resulting to the above.
Which is why i said from the past, u deserve someone better. If you find someone better I be happier becAuse they will take care of u on my behalf. I’m confident if anyone knew you are such a great bf, they will throw themselves on you. You are all a girl ever wanted. It’s just me.
Find someone who appreciates what you’ve done, thank you, hug you and kiss you. Not me who says nothing.
I’m sorry I’m like this. I do not know hoe to love. And my way of loving is wrong.
You are a great guy. Please do not think you are lousy because of all the criticism I threw on you.
The problem lies on me. Not you.

Forgive but not forget

*IcE* — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 13:01:33 +0000

There was 1 day I contacted my dad, because I was high from alcohol and feeling low after a wedding I attended.
Everybody has a place they can call home, but I do not. The place I am staying at is my boyfriend’s place which I do not feel a part of. We are just like strangers. I don’t know, perhaps I just don’t have this outgoing personality which I used to have, to be able to talk to anyone freely.I’ve tried, but just like the past, nobody likes me.
At the wedding I attended, I was wondering many things which I know the answers are negative.
So, out of alcoholism and impulsiveness, I decided to call my dad for a drink. We talked quite a fair bit. Of the mistakes that has happened in the past. Although he apologized, I know I can never forget the past. I know this past would be stranded to me for life. After all the betrayals, I’m so afraid of trusting anyone who claims they love me.
After this mistake of calling him, it comes back to the past. Of him calling repeatedly to ask me for drinks.
I regret.

Stress

*IcE* — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 12:37:23 +0000

I’m so drained everyday. I just aNt time to do the things I love. Sun tanning, gymming, singing and what nots.
Everyday I just have to force myself to face the notes. Some formulas which seem so foreign to me. No matter what, still have to figure it somehow. I wonder whether I’m really so stupid now that though I attended the lecture, the formula doesn’t make sense to me.
I wonder how I made it through the previous examinations I had, I wonder whether I have the ability to go through it smoothly now.
I’m tired, really tired. I just want time of my own again. I’m just afraid I wouldn’t make it through and by then, realised I have wasted this 1 year of studying. Worst thing is, I still do not know whether I have made the right choice by Studying this course \ deciding to enter this choice.

Protected: Happy Valentine’s Day

*IcE* — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 05:57:38 +0000

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(-) (-) = +?

*IcE* — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 15:05:51 +0000

I do not deny I love drinking. I do not deny I tried to change but the result is not that outstanding. I did not try tl change you because I know how different our lifestyle was. I knew that all along. You managed to convinced me you was ok. Cause u liked to chill. I did not believe but did so eventually after your persuasions.
Sorry I do not want to change your life. I nearly hit you today but I stopped myself because I promised to change. I do admit I threw tantrum by throwing things. But I was already controlling, I didn’t yell and didn’t hit you.
I guess when our lives are too different, it’s hard to match. It only hurts when this is proven again and again.

Irony

*IcE* — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 03:24:53 +0000

Such irony that you told me you will never leave me because you know how much I care for you to this day, you can’t stand me because I care too much for you.

From the start, i know i shouldn’t ave immersed myself too deeply in this relationship. I know I will care too much and in the end hurt you. I was right. Perhaps if I didn’t love you so much, all this wouldn’t happen. All i ever wanted was to see you healthy and well.

嫌东嫌西

不把我当人看

很烦

我不想再这样继续下去

我不知道我还能不能忍受这一切

你自己去做工

I know you can no longer withstand me anymore. It’s time for me to leave, and free you from this misery. It’s really sad how things turn out this way. I hope you understand that it’s not I can let go of a 2 years relationship so easily, I just don’t want to be selfish and hurt you further. Even if you choose to withstand it all, I would choose the same path. I don’t want to see you so stressed over this relationship. I dont want to be the cause of it all. I wana be your happiness, not your misery.

Goodbye

*IcE* — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 00:56:38 +0000

I have tried, but you look at me the same way as before.
If I have a choice or rather we had worked out, I rather not break up but I guess things aren’t working out the way I hope it to be.
I just want to care for you. Perhaps my way of caring is wrong.sorry I couldn’t Care the way a normal person does. You really do deserve a better one. I love you too much.
I rather let you go to be with someone who make u happy rather than being so unhappy n stressed with me.
I just want the best for you, a person so good and deserve to be cherished the right way.